Raw Rant™ 12/2: Continuity Be Damned!

I keep trying to tell you....you are going to need all Calvert can bring to stomach this.

You should really turn it off after the Wyatts.

I'm thinking about tweeting Punk and asking him if he ever got AJ's stinker. I think he would be cool with that, no?

THE BELLAS & THE ANVIL VS BRUISER BRODY, SUMMER RAE AND PUNK'S GIRLFRIEND

I can't really get over the greatness of Punk. It's hard to believe he's not a garage visitor. Really, really, really hard to believe.

I bet munching on Summer Rae would be like opening up a twinkie and just licking the shit out of it. Personally, I probably wouldn't do it with people around because I know damn well it would get weird as hell.

Anvil with the win. All of us for the loss.

4/10 I spent a lot of the match thinking about Summer Rae's vagina.

DANIEL BRYAN VS ERICK ROWAN, OR ROWAND, OR ERIC, OR EVEN ERIK. I'M NOT LOOKING IT UP

Well I guess he's ok. Or maybe they brainwashed him. Hey, I didn't want to say it, but it's very possible they anally raped him. Maybe he's not ok.

Whatever. Commercial. I'm already sick of Michael Bolton. I think I thought he had like one cool song until I realized that either him, or I, sucked.

Which one is Rowan, is that stinky red?

Yep, stinky goat mask is Rowand. I hope he wrestles in it tonight. Last night. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!

I hope we don't go all TNA ninja.

I'm already predicting Daniel Bryan does some sucky brainwash thingy at some point in this match. I'll be pissed. Thinking about Mozzarella sticks.

We had that same green color in Outagamie County.

They should put Sheamus, Eva Marie and this Aaron Rowand cat together and call them the Big Red Grinders.

That was dumb.








commercial

Good lord. I saw Lionel Ritchie making his way to the ring, and that's it for me. I'll have to dig deep inside if I'm gonna be able to come back and give this a go tomorrow. Later today. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Wow.



SIN BOTCHA VS PROBABLY MYSTERIO IN A WHO GETS HURT FIRST MATCH

Nope, it's the other Mexican. Sad Tats.

At this point I'm almost clamoring for Rey Rey. Almost.

Why does Sin Cara get this funky yellow light dealio? Is that like an anti-botch light where we only end up seeing 8 out of every 10 of his botches? I've already counted 4 for the record.

Is this where ADR is at now? Fought Cena at 2 PPV's in a row for the title and now loses to SIN CARA??? HE LOST TO SIN CARA???

1/10

I wonder who's idea The Shield was? Do we know that answer?

Why is Big Show wearing the Smackdown logo?

Ok, they're piping in noise. Nobody is that excited to see The Big Show get tagged in.

Not sure if I noticed before to the extent I noticed tonight but Rollins is hilarious with the stuff he says during a match.

I didn't want to say anything, but Rollins just fucked Goldust for a 1, 2, 3.

9/10 Everything was great but the dry hump was a bit awkward. So was the one in the match.

So I guess the Tigers got rid of Fister.

Speaking of which, that's so misunderstood. You ever been with the chick that won't let you just throw it in there up to your elbow, all acting like it either hurts or doesn't fit? Yeah right.

Some of theses babes that I've brought home you could throw your entire foot into if she didn't pull that whole self conscience card.

Fisting is severely underrated and misunderstood. It's too bad really.

Anyways, where were we?

I may have to start looking for something stronger in the Calvert line, if I'm gonna keep doing this.

RICK ROSS VS FANDILLYDONGO


Fandango is gonna get his ass kicked.

Ok, I just went to an online stopwatch dealio. Not sure if it works yet, but I'm gonna guess 33:14 for Henry. That's seconds by the way.

Go!

1:54 and counting...............


I'd put some serious Cool Whip on Summer's pie and eat it like a boss.












3:21 and Henry is dancing. DAMMITT!!


2/10 Awful.

Yes, the Orton/Cena shit is so ridiculous. You see this with almost every Cena angle. Now I'll give John credit for doing the j.o.b. every now and then, but most the time its super Cena.
God I hate John Cena.

Not being sarcastic at all. I guess at the time of that post (very Calverty) I was just kind of thinking on terms of:

* Better Music
* Better Colors
* More grown up / hardcore / bad guy-ish
* More believable
* Cooler members (Well, at least the first 10 or so)

They just seemed legit. Bad ass. The DX stuff just seemed so high schoolish. Lame-o.

Now granted, I wasn't watching wrestling at the time. My buddy called me and asked if I'd been watching this NWO thing. And I'm like what?

I've been watching again ever since.

I also have a WCW bias over WWF. Just as I had an AWA, WCCW bias over the WWF/E. I've never been really able to understand or accept the WWF/E over the top characters.

Hornswoggle's Little People Court or whatever it was called, is like my epitome of things that piss me off.

I realize that the Hornswoggle stuff isn't the era we're talking about, but it just gives me the feeling of WTF that WWF/E has mostly always given me.

AWA seemed real. WCW seemed real. (Up until reaching the 30 member NWO level and the Warrior (OWN) / Hogan mirror incident. And WCCW seemed real as all get out.

WWE and the gobblygooker whatever, always kind of pissed me off.

It had a lot to do with DX pissing me off.

On the other hand, it wasn't all that long before my son and I questioned why in the fuck were we watching WCW instead of WWF.

How sad.

I still proudly can't stand Mysterio though.