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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2014 14:27:45 GMT -6
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Post by Positivity Peeps on Jan 27, 2014 14:45:21 GMT -6
 Let's pretend that we live in a world where John Cena properly filed his 1099. Let's pretend that that Nicki Bella wrote off her enhancement surgery as a work necessity. Well we don't live in that pretend world. That's why you need Buzzard Taxes. At Buzzard, we will make sure that you save every cent you can. My daddy said you can't escape the IRS. Well I say let's just see about that. April 15th is coming.  Follow the Buzzard. To BuzzardTax.com. |
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Jan 27, 2014 15:37:16 GMT -6
The worst thing about this is I have a new voice that's almost as annoying as Dusty.
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Post by November KS on Jan 27, 2014 15:48:40 GMT -6
CRIBBAGE IS ON!!! They wussed out last time it was negative 40.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2014 18:18:49 GMT -6
Hhahahahaha, kudos Speeps. Can't wait for Drop In to be inspired to cut another tax promo. This thread will be a thing...
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Jan 27, 2014 18:55:22 GMT -6
As I look around at this establishment known as The Squared Circle, it is quite apparent many of you need to be saved. While, it is, possible, many of you did not earn enough in 2013 to NECESSITATE filing. That does not mean you're free from salvation. Something has occurred. You carry your demons. It looks like someone tried to deduct vehicle mileage in 2011. DO YOU, HAVE A MILEAGE LOG SIR.....hmhmhm. I know you don't, and that is why you need to be saved. If you just follow the buzzards, you'll be free. IF YOU, haha, enter the promo code FTBUZZARDS, your salvation will come for 25% off. That's right. Come home. Come home, to www.BuzzardTax.com. (Cut to desk lamp, quick, evil *dot.com*, cut to black)
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Post by Positivity Peeps on Jan 27, 2014 18:58:53 GMT -6
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Feb 15, 2014 16:59:58 GMT -6
SOMETIMES, we get too focused on words. Words can make a man go crazy. Actions? Actions are more important. Which is why you, YOU, need to take action. Go to www.buzzardtax.com. Time is running out. Why, just in the last two hours, I saved three people $16,792, and I had relations with the mother of a Turbo Tax user. How about you? I'm here. Attachment Deleted |
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Mar 17, 2014 19:23:20 GMT -6
John, ooooohhhh John. We are entering a special time in our lives. You know what season it is John. But we'll return to that. John, I learned a few things in my youth. I learned fire is hot. I learned water is wet. Too much water, and John, you start drowning. I also learned only two things are certain John. Death and taxes. My pappy wasn't around much John. But HE, HE taught me that John. Can you imagine a man, a captain one year. A sailor the next. BARELY AROUND! But he explains life in such a clear way before going back on that unforgiving road. What I'm trying to say John, is you're playing with fire. Hahahaha. That fire is hot. Hell, that broad is hot. But you're playing with fire John. I'm your friend John. It might not seem like it, but I am. I will do at Wrestlemania what must be done. I will knock some sense into you John. To the rest of you, all in need of guidance. I know you're drowning. You've been saddled with all of the things John holds so dear. Women, homes, success. Without www.buzzardtax.com, all of that success can be taxing. I KNOW, you all see what I did there! Death and taxes everyone. Both are certain. It's how you manage each. I will properly manage John Cena at Wrestlemania. When I'm done with him, there will be at least one twin crying. Oh yes. But when we at www.buzzardtax.com finish your return, you will be crying. But it will be those tears of joy like the first time John got to motorboat those funbags. If you enter the promo code #Motorboat you will get an eighteen percent discount on your return. Time is still on your side. But not for long. Just like John Cena, at Wrestlemania. Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime is on my side. Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime is on my side.
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Post by Positivity Peeps on Mar 17, 2014 19:25:44 GMT -6
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Mar 17, 2014 19:54:52 GMT -6
I just marked out for my own bit. That might be a first.
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Post by Positivity Peeps on Mar 17, 2014 19:57:10 GMT -6
Promo code "Motorboat" did it for me.
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Mar 17, 2014 20:10:44 GMT -6
Promo code "Motorboat" did it for me. It was kind of like Frank during the debate in Old School. By the time I was done, I didn't really know what happened. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2014 22:36:41 GMT -6
This is my favorite inside joke in the board right now. Than you Drop In.
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Post by November KS on Mar 24, 2014 23:31:16 GMT -6
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Apr 14, 2014 20:17:26 GMT -6
You are a funny man John. Oooooohhhhh, you are sooo funny. I laughed so hard John, I thought you were trying to deduct human growth hormone. I like when you try to be funny John. I don't worry about being funny. I worry about being serious. I worry about deadlines. I WORRY ABOUT THE FACT, THAT TOMORROW JOHN, TOMORROW...IS APRIL 15TH!!! You may have the whole world and two fake titties in your hands John, but you do not, DO NOT, have a grasp on your taxes. It's bad John. It's bad. I warned you John. Buses, jean shorts, and fake military garb.....they ARE DEDUCTIBLE. But steroids? Viagra? Dinner with John Cena Sr.? YOU John, are pushing me to the limits. YOU, are pushing I.R.S. to the limits. And you're pushing THE IRS to the limits. John, no promo code can save you at this point. You need to understand you past, present, and future John. I'm here to help. You just need to be ready to be helped. I'll be here John. I'll be here until 11:59 PM tomorrow. Follow the buzzards John. Time........isn't on your side.
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Post by PositivelyJackref on Apr 14, 2014 20:39:28 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2014 21:52:16 GMT -6
You are a funny man John. Oooooohhhhh, you are sooo funny. I laughed so hard John, I thought you were trying to deduct human growth hormone. I like when you try to be funny John. I don't worry about being funny. I worry about being serious. I worry about deadlines. I WORRY ABOUT THE FACT, THAT TOMORROW JOHN, TOMORROW...IS APRIL 15TH!!! You may have the whole world and two fake titties in your hands John, but you do not, DO NOT, have a grasp on your taxes. It's bad John. It's bad. I warned you John. Buses, jean shorts, and fake military garb.....they ARE DEDUCTIBLE. But steroids? Viagra? Dinner with John Cena Sr.? YOU John, are pushing me to the limits. YOU, are pushing I.R.S. to the limits. And you're pushing THE IRS to the limits. John, no promo code can save you at this point. You need to understand you past, present, and future John. I'm here to help. You just need to be ready to be helped. I'll be here John. I'll be here until 11:59 PM tomorrow. Follow the buzzards John. Time........isn't on your side. You absolutely just killed me. This was the best idea that we generated from that night at the Circle. |
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Post by Bob Loblaw on Apr 15, 2014 7:18:19 GMT -6
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Apr 21, 2014 12:33:36 GMT -6
Hello John. I hope all has been well in the last six days. I did receive your message John. Your message was loud and clear. Unfortunately John, when you file on April the Fifteenth, you will NOT John, WILL NOT, receive your refund in six days. It will take time John. You're going to have to tell that pretty little girlfriend of yours to buy her own shoes for another week. But that's not why I'm here today John. You see, this is a time of year for reflection. A man like me with downtime can be a scary thing. You will be a monster John. I wasn't always this way you see. But when I have time to sit back and remember, I know the moment I started this fight.  THIS John, THIS, is the moment it all changed. I remember idolizing members of my family. They were champions. Champions of the world and taxes. But John, I stumbled upon a video one day and I realized all men can be corrupted. Even those you hold closest and dear. if a man like my father can do such things, imagine what John Cena Sr. has done. I'm not saying he gave alley handjobs John, because that probably would not be reported income. But think John, think. John, I've had months to review your entire life in numbers. You will become what I say you will become John. We're done with promo codes and refunds John. It's time for your receipt. It's coming. We're coming.
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Apr 21, 2014 21:00:30 GMT -6
Pretty little toys. All of you.
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Apr 28, 2014 23:11:07 GMT -6
I've got the women and the children John. They aren't just your fan base, or dependents now. THEY ARE NOT, dependents. They are mine John. I needed something to do in my down time. April 15, 2015. I have everything you need John. Everything.
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Sept 15, 2014 22:45:06 GMT -6
Sometimes, in my line of work, you have some downtime. It isn't ALWAYS tax season they say. While I disagree with that sentiment, I know that to have followers, one must understand those people. While they're putting on their Big Show, I know what's happening in the background. You might have the book for now, but you will have to hand it over to me eventually. It's inevitable, and it's the law. Buzzard Tax cannot save you from ALL of your sins. We will end up on top of you. Even a service such as mine cannot explain Katie Vick. But you can find the true path. All will be well. It's not close to April, but a quarterly filing at www.buzzardtax.com could slow the ultimate outcome. Let's not make this a Big Show. Do the right thing. Follow, the Buzzards. File, your quarterly taxes. Focus, on the 17% discount using promo code #HarpersBaldSpot. We don't need you. You need us. Follow....BuzzardTax on Twitter. @buzzardtax3. We like you. That's why will bleed, cramp, and number crunch for you. So WHY, WHY, would you not like us?!? Like us on Facebook, and receive all of the salvation you can imagine.
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Oct 6, 2014 23:26:39 GMT -6
Just a reminder, the last day to legally file your taxes is April 15, 2015. I do not know, do not know, where I am going. But you are aware. Do not ever let the authority tell you what to do with your filings. They don't even provide health insurance. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.
That isn't funny. What's funny is your dependence on authority. People telling you what to do. Oh, it's sad John. It is your weakness. One day, you'll follow my code. I have codes John. One, will save you seventeen percent when you file your quarterly taxes through #BuzzardTax. Fuck you John. Fuck you. I love you John. Use that discount code tonight. Good night John. Hahahahahaha.
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Apr 15, 2015 19:22:10 GMT -6
i'm here.................................................
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Post by Coast2Coast on Apr 15, 2015 19:52:50 GMT -6
I am glad you are here. Capital gains, dividends, short and long term losses, depreciation rates on my computer used for sports betting...it is all so confusing. If I get something wrong, will they put me in jail? Can buzzardtax.com help me?
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Apr 15, 2015 20:01:33 GMT -6
I am glad you are here. Capital gains, dividends, short and long term losses, depreciation rates on my computer used for sports betting...it is all so confusing. If I get something wrong, will they put me in jail? Can buzzardtax.com help me? |
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Post by PositivelyJackref on Apr 15, 2015 20:44:01 GMT -6
I think it is fantastic that Coast wandered into a wrestling thread  |
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Apr 15, 2015 20:55:20 GMT -6
Obsession. That's what taxes have been for me since I was just a small boy. My pappy was an All-American boy. Nothing is more american than paying your tax. He proved that. This has been a year of transition. I lost two dependents. TWO. I let them go, too caught up with my battles to realize the tax implications I know now are great. I certainly hope their taxes are in line. Sheep masks itemized can be quite the deduction in the right hands. MY HANDS! MINE! I'm sure they're filing for extensions. Extensions of the truth they're nothing without me. Last year, I faced a tax time challenge of a fake marine dating a woman with even greater fake assets. This year, I faced a man claiming to be dead for years. Yet he deducts mascara and leather suits in 2015. LIES. ALL LIES! I have proven it. If you think tax codes are the face of fear, I, I AM THE NEW FACE OF FEAR. No longer will I hold your hand. Yes Roman, you can deduct acting lessons. Meanwhile, I'll act like I give a fuck. www.buzzardtax.com closed for a reason. It's too late for you. Too late to claim what you feel is right. Your medical expenses were large last year Roman. But they will be greater in the coming year. Maybe enough to deduct. Hahahaha. I know Samoans can fight. But you can't grunt and tattoo your way through this audit. Your reckoning is now Roman. There will be no extension. Your time............is up.
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Optimisn
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Post by Optimisn on Feb 23, 2020 17:52:59 GMT -6
Just in time for the 2020 tax season.
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